A torture Called TASHAN

Here's the review of Tashan which I came across on the net...actually it's another blog I was reading and loved it so much I thought I should share it with all you people so here goes:-
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Even the inmates in the asylum or a tramp on the Mumbai streets would have made a better movie than this Friday’s Bollywood release Tashan.

What in the heck were the bozos at Yash Raj thinking when they unleashed a trashy movie like Tashan!

Utterly bereft of anything worthwhile and an ugly amalgam of bad logic, rotten story, pitiful acting, ordinary photography and ear-damaging music, Tashan is a complete horror show, the likes of which have not been seen in Bollywood in a long, long time.

And the architect of this monumental disaster is Vijay Krishna Acharya, who takes credit (it should really be discredit) for Tashan’s story, screenplay, dialogs and direction.

Even after making movies for over eight decades, the cavalcade of Bollywood idiots has yet to realize that story, screenplay, dialogs and direction are separate departments requiring the full-time attention of separate people.

This clown Vijay Krishna Acharya has penned a story so bizarrely bad that it’ll surely be showcased in film schools as a lesson in how not to make a movie.

The dramatis personae are the ridiculously dressed baddie Bhayyaji (Anil Kapoor), his assistant Pooja Singh (Kareena Kapoor), a call center employee Jimmy Clifff (Saif Ali Khan) and Bhayyaji’s henchman Bachchan Pande (Akshay Kumar).

While none of the four cover themselves with any glory for their performance, Anil Kapoor and Kareena Kapoor are egregiously bad.

With her skimpy attire and scanty acting skills, the tiny-titted Kareena Kapoor, granddaughter of the late Bollywood director Raj Kapoor, is sheer agony to behold.

One interesting trend in Bollywood movies is that the role of the ubiquitous vamp of yesteryear films has now been taken over by the heroine.

Following close behind in tormenting the audience in Tashan is that overacting buffoon Anil Kapoor, a veteran of a gazillion Bollywood movies. Just goes to prove that wisdom or talent does not always improve with age.

No, Akshay Kumar and Saif Ali Khan are not palliatives either. Hey, there are just no palliatives or redeeming elements in this piece of trash.

The story, if you can call it that, is laughably bad. A murderous thug Bhayyaji (Anil Kapoor) wants to learn English quickly so that he can impress a visiting foreign delegation. His assistant Pooja (Kareena Kapoor) hires a call center employee and part-time English teacher Jeetender Kumar Makhwana a.k.a. Jimmy Cliff to teach her evil boss English.

Soon, Jimmy is head over heels in love with Pooja, who seems to reciprocate but actually has other plans up her sleeve. Pooja and Rs 25 crore belonging to Bhayyaji vanish one day. After giving Jimmy a few whacks, he sends a small-town thug called Bachchan Pande and Jimmy to locate the girl and the money.

The main culprit with Tashan is with its asinine script and hackneyed story that crumbles into dust just minutes after the start. Add bad music and mediocre acting to this stinking concoction and you have the recipe for a stinging migraine at the end.

Although the movie was filmed in “God’s Own Country” Kerala, Hardwar, Ladakh, Rajasthan and Greece(?), the photography in Tashan is worse than banal. Talk of throwing pearls before a swine.

The fight scene where a big team of heavily armed commandos attack the ill-equipped group of Bhayyaji, Bachchan Pande, Jimmy and Pooja but yet suffer a crushing defeat sets a new low mark in the annals of crude Bollywood fights. It seems Peter Hein bears responsibility for this most crudely executed action scene.

Tiresome dances involving foreign women (mostly White but occasionally Black as well) in skimpy attire is becoming de rigeur - and most irritating - in Hindi movies.

Once a powerful force in Bollywood, Yash Raj Films is now a spent force, lurching from one disaster to another. Take a dekko at some of the miserable offerings they’ve churned out lately Aaja Nachle, Laaga Chunari Mein Daag, Jhoom Barabar Jhoom and Ta Ra Rum Pum. Makes you want to puke.

Perhaps, it’s time for the grand old man of Indian cinema Yash Chopra (the force behind Yash Raj Films) to quit Bollywood and settle into a profession where he can inflict his misery on a retail level rather than on a wholesale scale - say as a roadside Jalebi seller or village Barber. After all, Saif Ali Khan is served Jalebis in Bhayyaji’s lair early in this movie.

Watch this garbage of a movie called Tashan at the peril of losing your sanity.

Suppperrrb Sunday!!

Sundays are always fun no matter what but when you get to watch a LIVE match on a Sunday, then things surely become a lot more exciting!! Yep I'm talking about the Mumbai Indians VS The Deccan Chargers match that was played in Mumbai yesterday..all action was happening right before us! Though the match did not turn out to be that great what was really amazing to watch was the people, the energy, the excitement etc.

It was simply mind blowing!!

The match was scheduled to begin at 8:00pm and given that we were damn excited about the whole thing, we reached the DY Patil Sports Complex a good 3 hrs in advance! The atmosphere was charged(I know this is a pretty cliched line but couldn't do without it), big time!
There was groovy music for the audience to tap their feet to; crazy fans with their wacky banners/placards and loads & loads of energy to go with it! It was a truly amazing feeling to be a part of this euphoria!

At the end of the day, what really matters is not just getting your money's worth but something more than that...something that makes you forget about who you are and something that lets you go insane and enjoy :D!!

The changing face of Bollywood Music :)

I realized that not all posts should be in the negative tone so here's one (a feel good post) on the kind of music that Bollywood is churning out nowadays! By default, the most common stress buster for almost everybody is listening to some good music! You could be in the worst of moods and that favourite song of yours could bring in a complete turnaround and speaking of good music, Bollywood needs a mention here.

Music composers like Pritam, Vishal-Shekhar, Shankar-Ehsan-Loy et al have played a significant role in giving that much needed facelift to Bollywood music! Take for example, 'Tum Se Hi' from Jab We Met or 'Pehli Nazar Mein' from Race...such soulful tracks :)

When you get back home after a long and rather tiring day, what really puts you back on track is nice music!
Alright then it's that time of the day when I listen to music....so ciao till I blog back!

Incredible India, LITERALLY!!

It's 1.30 am and you're wide awake. Reason? Simple...the "traditional" power outage of Incredible India! The part of Thane city where I live experiences a good 3 hours load shedding every single day(I tell you the TMC read Thane Municipal Corporation is pretty consistent here...$%@#%@). But looks like that's not enough so here we were sitting in the dark and wondering how to pass time in the middle of the night..For starters, there were loads of mosquitoes competing with each other presenting their concert into our ears..Shikha, my roomie came up with someting like this..."arre Thane mein kya kam gandagi (refer to one of my earlier blogs for that and you will surely get the picture!) hai jo itni saari delicacies chhod ke hamara khoon choosne aaye ho!!" Add to that the sweltering heat, making our lives completely miserable...

So how exactly do we kill time was the biggest problem we were grappling with. The only possible solution to this problem was to call up the authorities and find out what had gone wrong. But we didn't have MSEB's (Maharashtra State Electricity Board which is now Maharashtra State Electricity Distribution Company Limited or MSEDCL but it's too long so I prefer MSEB) phone number..."what do we do?", thought Shikha and me...that's when Shikha decided to use the Ask Me phone service and bingo!...within a couple of minutes we had all the necessary phone numbers! What a fabulous service! Something good that came in the middle of this energy crisis...we dialled the number and were almost sure that our call wouldn't be answered thinking that the jerks would be sleeping but guess what some guy actually answered the call and then we told him about the power cut in our locality. He said that our locality did not fall in their domain and so gave us another number which apparently was meant for our locality(kapurbavdi...ew what a name na!) Now, it's 2.15am and all of this was definitely getting on our nerves...neither did the heat decide to give in nor did the mosquitoes...life as it was hellish..

With another phone number with us, we decided to dial the MSEB number, yet again. A rather indifferent voice answered the call and after we told him about the power problem in our locality, he wanted to know where exactly in our locality the problem had occured. So we gave him the details but the jerk was absolutely clueless about the place as in he didn't know anything that was even remotely associated with Kapurbavdi. Here's what Shikha told him on the phone.."Agar Kapurbavdi mein Tulsidham (is a well known place in Kapurbavdi) nahin pata toh job chhod de" :D After sometime we dialled the same number and this time the guy at the other end knew what place we were talking about but just like the earlier fellow he told us that our locality did not fall in their domain. We were like alright then at least give us the relevant phone number. And you would not believe what this lunatic said...he did not have the number and was pretty indifferent about it; since we knew these people would be of least help, we hung up!

We so thought that informing the authorities would probably solve our problem but we had forgotten about the incredible services that you get in Incredible India! So, we gave up (like we had a choice!) and thought of doing something that would help us stop hurling abuses at the authorities.

3:00am and we were hungry after battling it out with the jerks...and the mosquitoes, needless to say continued their assault on us...one heck of a night seriously!!

We decided to call up McDonald's first...so we heard a recorded voice after dialling the McD number...but obviously at 3am who's gonna actually answer your call?! The recorded voice kept saying that our call would be transferred but this kept happening in a loop...we got the point...our next option was Pizza Hut...again didn't work...we were determined on not giving up; so then we dialled Domino's...what on earth were we thinking when we dialled all these numbers! I mean obviously we knew that it was hopeless but we just thought of giving it a try..we did not have any work anyway!!

Now it was too much!! All limits had been crossed...it was 4:45 am and no signs of power getting restored...we had not slept a wink as it is and it was dawn already....wth...
Finally at 5:00am the fan started whirring..PHEW!!! That's when I fell asleep...

You know what I seriously do not care if the country's GDP increases/decreases...if I do not get a continuous supply of power or even water for that matter which apparently is a bare necessity at least in urban areas then what's the point! A country which is not even capable of providing the basic amenties to its citizens could well forget about becoming a developed nation even in the next 20(or 40, 50$#$@%) years. That's Incredible India for us Indians!!